What do you think of this i wrote?

i know its not great but im bored and it took like 10 minutes =)





burnt and boiled skin


peeling off at the siems


and im laughing as she screams


she's my love for nicotine





iron umbrellas for protection


save me from her acid rain


her blood spews like poison


and her skin tastes like pain





she's the horror in my head


she's the ghost under my bed


if you gave her a sweet rose


her kiss would turn it into lead





giant metal clanking killers


her pheromones her perfect perfume


knock you down with one swift blow


they pin you with her ample thorns


and hold you to a count of a million and three





she'll kick your trust into touch


a touch that all the drugs in the world can't numb you from


you'll still feel her biting nails


drawing blood and stealing skin


will she use these things to clone you?


having fixed a thousand things?





closure comes and goes let's face it


if you can face her without staring


like a parachute not opening


it takes a while to find your bearings

What do you think of this i wrote?
its okayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!
Reply:it's okay, nothing fabulous but still okay
Reply:this is the coolest song i have ever seen by a person whos not really a famous singer!!!!you shud go in idol-if u have a nice voice
Reply:I sounds like you're in alot of pain and have a lot of resentment. It's very visual. What is it about? A woman, drug addiction, etc?
Reply:its ok......


good....








thnx...


God bless....
Reply:Oh a real talent there i must say.





But next time not so depressing......
Reply:That's really good :) i like it
Reply:its nice.infact quite good writing for boredom.

baby jade