okay i sent this out to people on myspace, they answer it wrong their answer is "sex"
but how can it sound like sex when the answer is suicide?
what do i need to change it alittle?
Yearning for something forbidden, as my body flustered in angst but yet thirsting, forcing the inner soul to escape in dishonor, eyes bursting vines as it weep for the site of scarlet, I breathe heavy quivering as my teeth pierced my bottom lip as the blood fell in satisfaction. Eyes closed whispering gospel words in the darkness, sinful body aching as the heavens begging for it to stop. Once the skin has broken there is no way ending this, my head fell in sorrow as I feel the shameful tears rain upon the blood I have set loose.
What have thy done?
Riddle/poem help?
uhm. you wrote this?
that is amazing. i loved every second of it.
don't change one thing.
i skipped the top part and went straight for the paragraph below it and got suicide out of it.
i don't know why those people got sex. it comes from someone's mind and doesn't mention someone other then themselves.
it's good. write more!
Reply:good lord you just wrote an extremely explicit paragraph
Reply:Use the word oblivion, or life, or maybe find some way of explicitly saying its not about sex by throwing in a line saying "more tempting than sex", but more poetic.
Reply:You can change "thy" (you) to "I". You can add something about "fading away" or "getting darker" as the blood flows out from you.
http://www.marxidad.com/2005/11/04
Reply:I breathe heavy quivering as my teeth pierced my bottom lip as the blood fell in satisfaction.
just change that line and i think it will be better
Reply:the last line " i feel the shameless tears" is why they believe it is about sex this line needs taken out or replaced. i think they see it as a first time sex shame.
Reply:he has forgiven our sins and said that he will pay for our sins so every sin he forgives blood will squeeze out of his pours because he said that he will be the one who pays for every sin out there.
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