Another poem of mine?

"Serenity"





I left my worries behind


I ended my life; now don't whine


I quit my crying; now it's fine


I've come to show you my real face





That day I saw you in the rain


N’ that day I found on the train


I couldn't even say


It's gonna be ok





I lay down and can't think


But it's ok, I'm simply fake


Like a manikin I can't dance


And I don't want to dance with you...





I want to climb the mountain side


, but when I tried I knew I died


Never gonna fly again


Don't even want to try again


Just want you to be my friend





Until the end


Until the end


Until the end


I can't try again


unless you'll just be my friend





I'm not gonna find real-life


I don't feel like looking tonight


I know you'll be around


I know you'll be sleeping- sound





To relaxed for to long


Friends say ‘so long


Skin gets too pale


Rubbing my head I feel


Like I can't feel


And that feels right.


And that feels right.


It's the perfect


To feel that...


To feel that…


Oh, that I won't feel again

Another poem of mine?
its kinda confusing, it sounds like you died, but came back begging for a friend. but maybe thats what you are trying to say?
Reply:I must agree with the other commenter that I felt a little confused, and almost in a good way. Like I was feeling as hopeless and confused as you were as the author, like I was the one lost and hoping for a friend, being a friend, and almost dead. I believe it is on a very good track, especially if it can make the reader experience the emotions just in the words.It might be that I just felt confused because I do not understand the EXACT point that it is coming from but the start is not always so important only the ending place.