Is this any good?Her heart pounded into her chest rhythmically. She inhaled and exhaled in time with the?

The cold rain chilled her hot skin, and cleansed her physically and spiritually. She loved this feeling. She was one with nature. She knew, for once, who she was and what her purpose was in life.


Running in the rain was one of Alison’s favorite hobbies as a child. She remembered all the recesses she spent inside on account of the weather. She looked longingly out the window. Sometimes she would close her eyes, and pretend she was out there, dancing with the rain. She carried this love close to her heart, and shared it with no one. She knew that everyone in the world owned something of the world. And she believed that the rain was hers. No one could possibly love it as much as she did.


She had decided, before taking her run, that she would stop at the CafÈ, and treat herself to a steamy hot chocolate. With the store only minutes away she felt it was time for a cool down walk. She slowed down a little, and she rested her hands on her head as she walked.


This route was her favorite. The dirt road was narrow, and it twisted through a captivating forest. The trees grew close to the road, and they always welcomed her gracefully. The flowers grew tall and proud, in an array of colors. There was no place Alison would rather be than there, in the middle of an enchanted forest, playing in rain.


Alison’s need for a hot chocolate had dissipated. She stopped for a moment and looked up to the sky. She closed her eyes savoring the feeling each drop made as it trickled down her face. Every drop was hers. Every drop meant something to her. She became overwhelmed with emotions. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her heart raced. How could something so simple give me this much pleasure?

Is this any good?Her heart pounded into her chest rhythmically. She inhaled and exhaled in time with the?
Very good, but in the first few lines, her heart beats in her chest, not into...it's already there, it doesn't need to break its way into it. What it she breathing in time with, 'the.....????'


3rd para, check spelling cafe, the e is capitalised, the accent over the e is often missed off altogether in literature these days.


Para 4 she is walking down the track into the forest, so line 4 should possibly be 'here', not 'there'?


But the whole piece is full of emotion and very evocative.
Reply:1) "Her heart pounded into her chest rhythmically" ==%26gt; Of course her heartbeat was rythmic. If it wasn't, she would be in medical distress. I don't think you're off to a good start with that sentence.





2) I don't know too many people that like a nice hot chocolate after a run. Maybe after a tall glass of water on a cold day.





3) It seems strange that there's a cafe on a narrow, twisting dirt road.





You have some nice imagery, but it needs work to bring it together.
Reply:Yeah - tis good... i like the whole concept, but just a thing to watch - Your sentances are very short, and quite alot start with the word "She" which both make the whole passage seem quite repetative. Might wanna do something about that...
Reply:firstly thanks to share this. l really read with great pleasure. Someone Who cant see something which is free for everybody, that person is a very poor, very miserable. see and feel...let surround your all soul.