Wat do u think?

rate this 4 me please i am 14 n i try 2 write wat i can n idk if this is good or not





The cold air


Runs through my body


And brushes though my hair


Close my eyes


And gasp for air


As the cold rain


Hits my skin


I search for your memory


The way you touched my skin


The way you’d smile


When you looked at me


How your eyebrows raised


When you called my name


How the sun hits


Your brown, green eyes


And my heart takes a hit


I am back to reality


Standing alone in the rain


You look at me with pity


I feel a hand wiping


Away my tears


My makeup smears


Across my face


Your face is staring back


At mine


Your hand goes up my back


To my neck


As your lips come to mine


Lips so fine


I melt inside


Stay by my side


For now for good


Whisper in my ear


Change of mood


You love me


And I love you


We both understand


You have stolen


Away my tears for good


And we are


complete

Wat do u think?
well - i'm 35!!! and was WAAAY tooo moved by that... you want con' crit'? place yourself in it more. add descriptives - HOW does the cold rain hit your skin? (etc)


otherwise - well - u wanna write this as luv poetry? dude's a lucky lil dude!
Reply:am i stupid ?
Reply:You are inlove?...i feel relate in that poetry.
Reply:it is a nice poem, and the only critiques i have are minor:





some lines end with the same word, ie: skin. air, back.


it would make it better if you dont end the line with the same words close by. does that make sense?





other than that, it is very nice. keep it up!
Reply:Sorry...it's confusing, like 2 separate poems. It would be o.k if you quit at"Standing alone in the rain." Or maybe I just don't get it.

alstroemeria