Tell me what you think of these and rate them for me?

THE STORM


as lightening tears through the black sky and dances on the calmsea,it couresses its reflection. Thunder rips through my soul leaving it empty with its subsidence. my bodys being clensed by the cool splashes of summer rain washing over my skin like a lover in the throws of passion. i feel myself being engulfed by the storm.


THE END


as daybrake aproaches like a theif steeling the night. i hope this new morning will bring me new sight.


alight with virgin sun my final days path, in the eyes of god the devil takes the last laugh. with a heavy heart i bare my cross and cary on at any cost


with firey bitterness destiny aproaches flees and skatters like frightend roaches, skuttles and skurries into sheltering cracks, awaiting death stomping on there backs.








ps sorry for bad spelling and grammer

Tell me what you think of these and rate them for me?
I love the first one. Beautiful use of words. It's really touching and carries you away. The second on is beautiful also, but I don't believe in God or Satan, so it loses it's meaning for me.
Reply:pretentious crap
Reply:OK so i got a little carried away, but your stuff is good!
Reply:an impressive lines to be read slowly with deep contemplation. Does not really work when displayed on a computer screen, but will surely be touching when read when the earth quiets down and the soul is heavy with the leftover of a day's hardwork.
Reply:the grammar is excusable since poetry is abstract. the spelling is not. there is a spell check tool. it is your friend.


these have potential, but right now, it seems you don't love them enough yourself; you don't give them the spelling they deserve.
Reply:very good ! Let me know when you finish book and i will buy it!
Reply:zwinwe na zwinwe zwoluga tenda na vha ni tshizwifuna.
Reply:they hve potential


they are both witty and light!


I like the no# 1 more though.


on a scale of 1 to ten where 1 is the lowest.


no# 1 is 7.5


no# 2 is 6.5
Reply:confusing....


If lightening is in the sky, how can the sea be calm?


"empty with its subsidence" impossible... subsidence means to abate or fall to the bottom.


In The End, how can destiny approach %26amp; flee at the same time.


You can't post poetry then appologise for bad grammar. Without proper grammar, it doesn't make sense.


you need to sort out the inconsistencies.


I think they both are quite good though, I prefer The End.
Reply:Bit down aren't they? I would give 5 out 10
Reply:sounds nice...


content? I won't judge.





very bad grammar and spelling... the bad grammar can be forgiven in poetry.


write it clean, bring it into a form, then it will be really 'attractive' ;-)
Reply:i like it.
Reply:Very imaginative, emotional and creative! I would rate you a 9/10! if the spelling and grammer were edited.